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There's never a good way to end things.

Some things of interest:

1. I got made over by a guy in drag (or a girl who looked like a guy in drag; wow, that's some level of complexity. My junior said I achieved that on production day #2, which is neither here nor there.) In any case, it was pretty cool - the makeup, and the experience. I think s/he was taking pity on me for having no style whatsoever (I was wearing jeans and a shirt. There. And sport shoes. Next to Joni I looked like a hobo.)

2. I had Marvelous Ice-cream today at Ion's food basement. It was kind of awesome. I want to work there. I have this tendency to want to work at places where I like eating. I would really love to work at a food place, really.

3. Moving over to allegedlykyle, and it's going to be f-locked this time, so. Oh crap I need a f-locked sticky post. And a nice graphic. Ah, omg it's 10. WHERE DID TODAY GO.


Admittedly, admittedly, this show might not be as objectively brilliant as I claim, even though I think the research and the writing and the acting are definitely above-par, as are the pop cultural references! But the more relevant point is that it's just an awesome fandom.

Also, I need a quick crash course in steam punk/magical realism. Anyone? D:

Two things I dislike.

Or find inconvenient, or just. Labels and categories. More than that, I hate how I use them so easily. Ah, you know. Or maybe you don't, but. Sometimes we are limited by our friends' perspectives of us. Sometimes you are limited by my perceptions of you; we all are.

Losing ground.

I am I am I was totally stupid during a phone call today but what else is new? I suppose it is a good thing I'm leaving.

While thinking about my HP essay, I realized that I had topics, and vague impressions of them but no solid opinion because I don't read up on specific things consistently, and that's really bad. I lack focus. Things flit around in my head and sometimes I like it and sometimes I don't. Right now I'm listening to MCR on repeat just because, even though I'm not particularly impressed with The Sharpest Lives; more singing instead of yelling would be good.

Arts Fest busking today inspired feelings of indifference in me. I wonder if this is another natural process of departure that my mind seems to subconsciously pull me through - evasion, distance, disinterest. That's - that's.

I always feel guilty whenever salespeople attend to me and then I don't buy anything because I can't because I don't have money to spend; my parents buy things for me. I haven't been shopping (i.e. buying clothes/accessories/non-food-and-stationary-items) for at least a year, or two. I really don't go shopping often.

This is such a pointless post. I was glad when I came home this evening to find my grandmother and maid waiting for my dad who came back earlier than we expected; his flights are normally late at night; I was surprised.

Well it rains and it pours
When you're out on your own
If I crash on the couch
Can I sleep in my clothes?
'Cause I've spent the night dancing
I'm drunk, I suppose
If it looks like I'm laughing
I'm really just asking to leave

All good things.

I have lost focus ): I should be writing my HP essay now (even though I do have a topic, and 800 words isn't a researchable length) and I just wrote little snippets of fic but the words are all coming out wrong.

Anyway, since I have time, and I'm going to be here a while.

I don't even know how to begin. The people? The school? The class? The CCA/batch? The teachers? Probably the people deserve another post, individual emails, but um.

Four years of RGS, in general. Collapse )

That was my impression of RGS in general, four years and what I remember of the school experiences stripped from all the extra stuff. There's CCA, which has been a big chunk of my RGS life whether I like it or not, and then the people, the teachers, and the meta of RGS, and then LJ/bandom.

CCA.Collapse )

People! People people people! Ah. I've met a ton of gorgeous people in RGS; it's hard sometimes to muster up the effort to go out and meet new people, to bother talking to new people because it feels like I already known all the awesome people I need to, and I'll be happy with them. I'm wondering how JC would manage to throw me more amazing people like the ones I already know, bah. And then I'm sad that I can't spend two more of my formative years as close to them as I did the past four/three/two, but. I didn't want to write in many people's yearbooks last Friday because if I plan to stay in contact with you, there's no need for me to write what feels like my last words, right. People asked, though, so. And I suppose it makes sense, because good intentions are only worth something the moment they're made, and what happens after that is anyone's guess, so it's a kind of safety net. It'll look pretty ten years from now the way a continuous chain of email that stops May 2010 wouldn't. I don't want to leave a lot of people, even though reality and practicality and experience tells me I probably would, and the worse thing is that a year from now, I might not even care anymore. There are times when I try hard to think about what I'll feel if someone left, and very few people actually make me feel as though I'd miss them. The thing is, various things have taught me that irreplaceable is too demanding an adjective; very few people actually are. People move on; what matters isn't that you're irreplaceable but that you don't let yourself get replaced, if you don't want to. I daresay I'll be fine (eventually) if someone close left to go somewhere else far away, but that doesn't mean I want her to. I think that choice that you make to not lose someone is far more important; like, it's not about getting over someone, but not wanting to?

New Year Resolutions and all, right, I know - but this isn't New Year, so maybe I'd have a shot. Keep in touch, yes, even if it's via LJ or something. I WILL SEND OUT RANDOM EMAILS, BE WARNED. I tend to have long email conversations with people I see in school daily, but ah. That's fun. I meant it about the random-email-me-anytime thing, in my email to 415, really, but I know most people whom I don't stay in touch with anyway aren't going to. Still.

Lj/Bandom.Collapse )

Ah, I don't know. This chapter isn't entirely shut until RJC begins; there's still a lot of residue bits and pieces - FAM, class outing, chalets, etc. etc. This doesn't really feel like a graduation post either; I don't feel a sense of closure. I guess I'm not entirely done. Or maybe there isn't anything to close up.

My purple dress got away from me.


At least I have pretty nails now! And pretty nail polish. Gosh, I'm being such a girl :DDDD

I don't feel quite like doing anything; I think intense work on production and Os drained me a little. I've been douch-ey lately, it seeps from my pores and it comes from a sense of not wanting to get engaged in things before I'm fully recovered, I think. Essentially a coward defense mechanism. Ah, who really cares.

I need the pressure of being around people to be all motivated and !caring about societal conventions. Otherwise I'll just laze around at home all day. Which is a good feeling.

It's just FAM.Collapse )

ETA. Forget to say: Cambodia trip sounded really exciting!!! Like, I got really exciting during the briefing. I want pepper spray, though.


On hiatus (for real!) until next Tuesday.
The fine print.Collapse )

Good luck for Os, everyone.



“人生能有一知己,足矣, 斯世当从以同怀视之。”

...that wasn't a lot. I thought I had more than that ): I feel indescribable now (isn't that a contradiction of terms?) 

This is such a bad time to be - distracted. Missing things. People. I don't want to go to school tomorrow; I would rather study Chinese and like, my mindset is, if I don't turn up for the last day of school (the last freaking day of secondary school, my friends), then - it doesn't exist. 

Wow, that's very - ostrich-like.



That title looks suspicious. In any case, today has not been useless because of two things: intense Chinese mugging (which have been O: productive!) and revamping of LJ! Fooling around with (basic) HTML is so thrilling. Plus I only spent 30 minutes on that, and I did at least four hours of solid Chinese today, SO MY FIC:MUGGING RATIO IS 1:8. 


The intention for revamping of LJ was for me to move, because g_esquared and I have a fic! comm now so it's weird if I multi-post - on my RL LJ, my fic LJ and the comm, but I kind of don't really want to leave. Yet. In any case, I don't want to link over right now because there is only a (very NC-17) fic posted, and I can't take that off because it's in a comm, so. Waiting. The layout is so pretty though :D 

(It's funny though, how odd it feels; it's like moving into a new house, where everything is obviously much nicer but also very - sanitized. It feels new. Too cool new. I guess it'll take a while to get used to it.) 

Notable thing: I saw a fly on the wall earlier and immediately wished for a lizard to come and eat it.
Another notable thing: I started on my 2010 planner today!!! To input the RJC Important Dates. I am actually brimming with understated excitement for JC; I don't quite know why yet. But more importantly, I am also geeking out over notebooks! Notebooks! Pretty notebooks! 

A good notebook makes up half your final GPA, I always say. 
(Okay, no I don't, and it doesn't, maybe a tenth, but that's not the point.)


I! Am! Excited! About! Writer-ly! Stuff! 

I just signed up for NaNoWriMo, and I'm thinking of completely cheating using my various fic word counts for it, because I can't keep up with all my fic assignments and a 50k word ambition at the same time in a month with my Chinese Os. And FAM. Ergo. (DON'T JUDGE ME ): )

And then I am also excited about comment!fic, which I've just posted like, 3-4k worth of words, and then I signed up for comms! (One, I think) and the two I signed up for during the last two months are posting this week SO GOSH I AM SO EXCITED. Plus g_esquared's and my comm, too! Needs formatting and planning and all and GOSH.

Fandom @ LJ is a lot about commitment, okay! As is fic-writing. Writing in general. This is teaching me about commitment. Commitment is a useful life skill. Ergo, FIC WRITING IS A USEFUL LIFE SKILL.

My first Merlin/Arthur (comment!)fic deals with evil!Arthur. Wow, brain, wow.

Looking at matriculation data for RJC makes my brain hurt.


coming in on a wing and a prayer

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